I do a lot of thinking before making a big decision. I research, analyze, collect sources, cross-reference, take a step back, let it sit, look at it with fresh eyes, reflect, decide which way I’m going to go, then check, double-check, and check again.
My biggest fear is failure and I do everything in my power to make sure I am prepared for any possible turn of events. Conversations, presentations, running errands, unrealistic possibilities, you name it. I do what I can to make sure I am always on top of my game, a blessing and a curse.
Prospective romantic relationships are no different. I take in a lot of advice and consider the perspectives of many different people. I take time to look at every angle and run through all the hoops I can think of, as it was with the best guy friend a girl could ask for.
We were “just friends” for two years before I surrendered to complete devotion. I ran through every test I had heard of before owning how I wanted to spend the rest of my life serving him (see point number three here). He was my best friend, and I embodied a passion so strong it scared me what I would have done for him.
“A serious girl, when she finds someone who calms her spirit and quiets her busy thoughts, will love you so fiercely it will defy even her own logic and reasoning.”
-Unknown
I was committed to see it through with him, to work through the misunderstandings and love in spite of the brokenness. I knew the timing might have been off, but I was determined to wait and—if God brought us together—never leave his side.
Long story short, he cut me off and I spent the next year and a half on the brink of insanity.
At the end of my last semester of college, I went to a marriage workshop where they talked about how, when a girl decides she loves someone, it is incredibly hard for her to come back from that, a simple yet timeless truth that explained why my heartbreak was so hard to overcome.
I made the mistake of deciding he was the one for me too soon. If I had waited two months, I could have avoided a lot of pain.
“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”
-Song of Solomon 8:4
If you’re in the early stages of a relationship, I advise you to wait longer than you want to and then wait longer than you’re willing to before giving in wholeheartedly.
Words—whether confessed to God or another person—can not be taken back once they are spoken. It would be better to first carefully consider everything they signify and then wait for green lights from everyone consulted in the initially mentioned research.
A God-ordered relationship is not rushed. It is patient that love may be awakened at the right hour. You shouldn’t rush something you want to last forever. Besides, if you’re meant to be, it will come to be, so no need to make commitments anytime soon.
“Fools rush in / And I’ve been fooled before, / This time I’m gonna slow it down, / Cause I think this could be more, / The thing I’m looking for”
-Gabrielle Aplin, “Please Don’t Say You Love Me”
The longer you wait for something, the more you’ll appreciate it when you get it because anything worth having is worth waiting for, and time will tell if it’s meant to be. There are so many pieces working outside of your vision that any day could be the start of a new chapter if you just hold out to see.
Waiting is a sign of true love and patience. Anyone can say “I love you,” but not everyone can wait and prove it’s true. Trust in God’s timing. It’s better to wait a while and have things fall into place than to commit too early and have things fall apart.