“Why do you want to marry them?” This is one of the primary questions you must answer when pursuing a prospective spouse, and the answers vary. One might say, “we want the same things,” “he/she finishes my sentences,” or “we spend so much time together.”
While these are, in a way, valid answers, keep in mind that a marriage is only as strong as the reason for getting married.
What happens when conflict sets in? What happens when your desires differ and you begin to butt heads? There will be days when love becomes a choice you have to strain to take. While those times will hopefully be few and far between, you must have a reason to keep going, and that reason must be independent of what you could receive from the other person.
“The purpose of a Godly relationship and potential marriage is not about you. It’s about how you and that other person can serve in the kingdom.”
-GirlDefined
If you go into marriage expecting your desires or “love cup” to be filled by the other person, your relationship will be an unhappy one at best. People cannot and should not complete us. We need to be fulfilled by Love Himself, who makes our cups overflow so we can pour into others.
It’s not about you or where you could go as a couple. It never has been and never will be. The purpose of the unity of marriage is to give a snapshot preview of that greater coming day when we as believers will be reunited with Christ.
This is why there is so much giddy excitement when a couple announces an official dating relationship, their engagement, or get married. A deep crevice in our souls knows we are separated from Christ, and lifelong commitment gives us a taste of the eternal glory we long for.
“Our world is dying, and we have an incredible opportunity to show them something that cannot be obtained but by Christ alone.”
-Rick Thomas, Get Ready
This movie trailer-like quality to marriage sets the tone for how we evaluate who would be a good fit as a future spouse. Are you better able to serve Christ together or on your own? That is the question to answer. If being with them allows you to better display Christ, you have found the one.
Marriage is not about what we could want from a relationship but what we are—by God’s grace—to show through the relationship. It really isn’t to make you happy but to make you holy. Laughter and fun, tough love and brutal honesty— it all contributes to a greater testimony.
For the sake of the world, we are to marry to give the world an ongoing, vivid illustration of what it costs to love an imperfect person unconditionally, the same way Christ has loved us.
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