This is a popular idea in culture, to find someone who completes you in a 50/50 kind of sense. I specifically get into the idea of soulmates in this post, but the general idea is about finding someone who balances you.
Now, you should have somebody who balances you in a complimentary sense (1 Corinthians 12:21-26), but they do not complete you. You should be a whole person, not one half or the other.
100 + 100 is a lot more powerful than 50 + 50.
A couple who leans toward the 50/50 side of the spectrum struggles to stand separately when they are with others. This is also known as “clinginess,” when a couple seems incapable of not touching the other.
While the whimsical side of love grants a time to be playful, it shouldn’t be just that. If you are unable to be the best version of yourself without the other person, that is a big red flag (see more here).
Caveat: When you get married, that switch flips and you become “one flesh” with your spouse (Genesis 2:24). At that point, you shouldn’t be able to define one without the other, but that is a beautiful picture of strength reserved for a marital relationship where two individuals are made stronger by the other, not “completed.”
Finding Yourself
If you’re not a whole person on your own, you shouldn’t be looking for “another half” to begin with. Work on yourself first.
Hone in on your relationship with God and make sure you understand how His character ripples out into your life.
- Find God
- Find yourself
- Find your life partner
You will not understand who you are until you grasp Who you were made after. Pursue that knowledge, find yourself first, and you will better understand what you need in a partner.
If your future spouse does the same, the two of you will be so much stronger together than you could be individually.
The Ultimate Source of Love
When both people in a relationship are running after God, they are simultaneously getting closer to each other in koinonia, an intimate community shared by those pursuing Christ.
This needs to be the case before you find someone and when you find someone. Even then, both of you should continue pursuing Christ because He is the ultimate source of love who pours into us.
We cannot perfectly love someone in and of ourselves. We have to take the love God has poured into our hearts and outsource it to others.
You and your partner must both be right with God because you can’t truly love someone until you first know Love Himself. Focus on that relationship and it’ll pour into your other relationships.
See also…